I had a lot written out for this post, but I will say this, I reached so many low points this year - cried over something newly terrible every month that broke my heart, caused me severe anxiety, made me depressed. I tolerated too much and said we could get through it. But it was imagination of what we could be instead of what we were.
For now, I know I tried my best to support someone and in the process tolerated so much unkind behavior until I had nothing left to give. I now know what it feels like to give someone energy who takes but doesn't return it. Unfortunate lesson to learn, but I don't regret the love I showed. That is never a waste. I can't do anything for someone who won't make the effort to help themselves (meaning seeking help they need, accepting help, stating needs, learning triggers, communicating them, etc). My experience thus far has shown me it's hard to have a good relationship without it. Avoiding your internal climate only hurts yourself for longer and it hurts the people who care around you because they just want to understand.
As a Communications major, coming from a leader & facilitator of a college mental health club for years, someone who currently goes to therapy, and is a cancer, I can do feelings. I'm not afraid of them or anyone else's because I care. I just ask and expect open and honest communication. When working towards a good mental health state feels insurmountable, that is when communicating needs is even more important. It's sharing more of yourself with people who matter in your life. Things like boundaries, space, discomforts, likes, triggers, they all matter and it makes life easier when your partner is on the same page for what matters to you too. I feel like the song below is a good example of hearing this in action. (kind of kidding about the cancer thing but also maybe astrology has it figured out idk it's fun)
All the previous content still stands with the understanding that mental health is never an excuse to be a mean person. People around you don't have to accept disrespectful behavior regardless of the reason behind it. It's really the same side of the coin as above. I respect my time, energy, and mental space enough to know when someone is devaluing me, I don't need to prove to someone why they should. What's done is done already. While I'm not an expert or anything, masking unspeakable behavior behind mental health and trying to dictate a relationship on their terms alone is unkind regardless of reasoning. I Love You But I Love Me More - Marina, Beach Bunny
Music has been consistent, reliable, understanding when life felt unbelievably horrible this year. The world would be worse off without people who are willing to be vulnerable in art. Feelings are hard, situations are complicated, life is messy. Processing to me means letting myself feel what asks for my attention then letting go. Avoiding is ugly because it represses and neglects. Being attentive to yourself is beautiful because it cultivates and grows.
I make every effort to be a kind and understanding person, an active listener, all the good stuff. One of my long time favorite quotes is "Be kind - you never know what battles someone are fighting," or something like that. What I am not cool with is someone continually pushing how far that kindness extends. I am kind until you start taking advantage of this fact, I expect kindness and respect from others because I know I can reciprocate the same energy. But dismissing my efforts, time, energy showing how I care to then question my character to top it off is insulting and the perfect storm for receiving a different treatment from me. When I push back, I'm bringing everything I got, and I don't care to be gentle anymore. You had your chance speak kindly and show me that you can treat me with the same level of kindness I've been treating you. Nah. When it gets here, I've tried everything in my communication tool belt, I'm exhausted from trying to find some middle ground and being met with stone walls. Something turns the tide to ignite a flame - some last choice that is the final straw for me. Honestly, it's a super rare occurrence, but there is a threshold for what a kind person will tolerate. It's not that fun really because it feels out of character to react this way. Standing up for myself protects my mental health and builds character, so it is what is is.
I appreciate artists who do the hard work by letting us listen to their hearts in our ears. It makes connecting to our own feelings a bit easier in the best and the worst ways. There is honesty and empathy here. Something interesting I've been thinking about recently is how honesty without empathy is cruelty. While the truth may not be kind, not considering how it will be received is avoidance and uncaring. Just something I've been thinking about. I think I've said enough for now. and will leave with that. These are my favorite songs right now that are relevant in addition to the ones above. Favorite Crime makes me cry every time I listen to it without fail. Hope you found something meaningful here and maybe a cool new song to listen to. Bonus songs: adcedfu (angier) - gayle my sister - shaybo, jorja smith I can break your heart too - the aces mad - zolita butterflies - kailee morgue none of your concern - jhene aiko favorite crime - olivia rodrigo favorite crime - olivia rodrigoKnow that I loved you so bad
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A 20 something passionate about many facets of music: lyricism, melody, visual interpretations, the good stuff Categories
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